What's it all about, anyways?

So lately I have been having an internal struggle that is often on my mind when it's on idle... you know, when your brain has no difficult computation to makes and is just... there, conserving energy until the next time it has something to do. I guess you could say that it is a question to the effect of, "what's important in life?," but for me the question goes deeper. The question is not about how I spend my time, but how I value life and the instruments that I use to value it.

So what could I possibly be struggling over? I consider how I spend my time, how I spend my money, and what my theories and ideas of our world are, but I realize that all of these... I dunno, aspects of my reality do not quite match up as I would expect. I say that I believe in parity for everyone, but my actions do not align. What does it mean that I am willing to spend money on new technologies that I will enjoy, but I ignore a grassroots advocate who asks for support of their campaign? How is it that I think that all life has value, yet I cannot bring myself to look a homeless person in the eye when I walk to class? When you are in a place of privilege looking down, it is easy to ignore the realities and hardships of others around you. However, not for me, not anymore. I feel like I am in an intermediate where I know that I need to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak, but I feel like it would be so much more comfortable to retreat to the securities in which I have learned to identify, forgetting the experiences of others.

A few of you probably do not understand what I am trying to say, a few probably have felt the same way before, and a few of you may say that I am accidently turning into a communist! But that is not the point. The point is that I am trying to determine how to remove the dissonance I currently experience in my life and continue moving towards a place of social action. I want to be able to determine what's important in my life by the impact I am making and the experiences I am having, not by the amount of goods I have in my name or the associations I have made in my life. To me this is not political, it is just me appreciating my interaction with the world around me. So yes, reading this, it looks cheesy, but this is what my mind mulls over, day after day, as I wonder when I will come to a resolution!